15 April 2009

this morning...

You are very concerned with making the right choices about your work. You have so many options that you are constantly overwhelmed by the question, 'What should I do and what should I not do?'
bam.
there.
he got me...
just in the first two sentences
exactly how i have been feeling.
i keep going

There are issues that beg for attention, books it seems important to read, and works of art to be seen. But what of all this truly deserves your time?

sigh.
so overwhelming sometimes.

Start by not allowing these people and issues to possess you. As long as you think that you need them to be yourself, you are not really free. Much of their urgency comes from your own need to be accepted and affirmed. You have to keep going back to the source: God's love for you.

& that's just it right?
for the past year or so
i have been writing that
& thinking it
& saying it over & over
'it's all about love'
every.
little.
thing.
love & wanting to be loved.
love & wanting to love.
& the connection that comes with it.
but that's not exactly what this passage is about for me today.
more reading into my heart:

In many ways, you still want to set your own agenda. You act as if you have to choose among many things, which all seem equally important. But you have not fully surrendered yourself to God's guidance. You keep fighting with God over who is in control. Give your agenda to God. Keep saying, 'Your will be done, not mine.' Give every part of your heart and your time to God and let God tell you what to do, where to go, when and how to respond.
yes.

but.
it's hard.
& then this

God does not want you to destroy yourself. Exhaustion, burnout, and depression are not signs that you are doing God's will. God is gentle and loving. God desires to give you a deep sense of safety in God's love. Once you have allowed yourself to experience that love fully, you will be better able to discern who you are being sent to in God's name. (And when).

wait.
what?
you mean
tired
full (in a bad way)
overbooked
weighted down
depressed
&
overwhelmed
is not how i'm supposed to feel?

& as i read the words again
this song came into my head
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life
(click here to hear it)

& so.
as the sun rose up behind me
i wrote
& listed
& thought
& felt
& remembered
& smiled
& let it go
all of it.
"It is not easy to give your agenda to God. But the more you do so, the more 'clock time' becomes 'God's time', and God's time is always the fullness of time."

everything in italics
is from
'The Inner Voice Of Love"
by Henri Nouwen

a book that was given to me by my sweet friend, rachael:)
& it is so good...
i wish i could buy one for each of you
i do!

:)

ha ha
that last smiley face was in italics
(which seems to be following me)
it's a cute little side smile isn't it?

:)

6 comments:

Emily said...

Oh man Emily. I need to go out and get that book. Thank you for sharing it. This is my struggle. Every day. It is good to know that someone else is living it and surrendering it. God is good.

Kelly said...

Thank you for sharing your sweet, and dear, and real heart. I needed to hear all of that today. Every Single Word. God IS good.

TALLERTHANU said...

Oh my goodness did I need this...well my family needs this. thank you!

jmbmommy said...

Love you for...
reading this,
recognizing that it was for you,
sharing it with all of us.

Love, thanks for the heads up!

Jules said...

yep, yep, yep. Apparently God is using you to reach many of us in the same boat, thanks Emily for sharing.

I love Nouwen :) time to pull him out again!

emmi said...

Sounds like a great book. I loved your little conversation with the author (and maybe God too). Funny, but that song has been stuck in my head this week. I'll miss you this weekend. Maybe they'll sing the song and I can pretend we're sing it together. :) I am glad you never stop thinking, learning and doing.