05 October 2009

missing

dear mom...
today i am missing you
like i do pretty much everyday
& have everyday for the past twelve years
(i know! it doesn't seem that long does it? or does it to you?
i always wonder about that...)
i miss all of the same things & sometimes new things pop into my head & i love that...
& sometimes brian will bring something up about you that i had forgotten & i love that, too.
i love that you guys knew each other...
(sure wish you had seen us get married, though, it was pretty great :)
lately though in addition to thinking about all of the things that i miss about you, i have been thinking about all of the things that you have missed...
oh my goodness, mom!
there are so many things you have missed...
i get dizzy even thinking about it...
but there are two things that stand out in my mind so huge that i'm just going to mention them here...

---------------
number one
---------------
(large in scale, small in emotional significance)
THE INTERNET
oh my goodness, mom
i can't believe you never got to see this thing
it is amazing
i wonder what sites you would have bookmarked
iheartredsweaters.com
cookiesfordinner.com
cutemomsover40talkabouttheircutedaughters.com
:)
i'm sure you would have an ipod
& you would do the cool nike+ thing that brian does
to track & chart all of your runs...
(you would be proud of him & his running...)

& i bet you would be on facebook
connecting with friends all over the place
from high school & college & mission trips...

it is just so odd to think that something
that pretty much everyone i know
(including your mother :)
uses every single day
is something you never even knew about...

---------------
number two
---------------
(small in scale, HUGE in emotional significance)
YOUR GRANDCHILDREN

oh my goodness, mom
you would just be so amazed...
so in love.
just thinking about the fact that you have never
held any of them is
a crime to me.
worse than a crime.

my kids are just great
so funny & always saying the funniest things & learning so much every day.
Q is always going at 100 miles an hour & flipping over things & climbing things
unless he's doing legos (excuse me, bionicles) or homework...
& miss m who is the mommy to every stuffed animal who ever came within her grasp...
she's so sweet, as long as you do things exactly the way she tells you to :)
they would charm you from the get go & oh, how they would love you!
so sad about what all three of you have missed.

& like i said
my kids are great
but mom
you would not believe kate's boys...
you just want to hug them,
kiss them, eat their toes
& stare at them for hours
all at the same time...
they are incredible!
the cutest faces...
just sweet as can be
with rosy cheeks & big smiles!
they look so much alike but they each have their own distinct personalities, of course...
crawling all around, exploring pulling themselves up on furniture
they are just amazing...
(& kate is doing such a great job...
she's awesome...
i know this comes as no surprise to you:)

so there are the two big things...
not really related to each other at all but things i think about sometimes as i'm thinking about you

i love you, mom.

missing you & what you've missed...
em

9 comments:

greenmama said...

totally in tears...such great thoughts, so sorry- you know how much I feel your pain. love you, Wendy

Mrs.Kate.W said...

SOB!!!
I think this list could go on and on!
thank you!

Jules said...

My heart breaks in this post - so gorgeous, raw, and real.

enjoying the journey said...

Emily,I love the photo of your mom! I think about my dad and bro. who have passed on. It's great to know that I'll see them again. Though it is hard to not have them around now. I'm sure your mom was great, especially knowing how great you are (albeit thru your blogs). I look forward to the day that I actually meet you. You are great, Brain is my greatest forever neighbah & your kiddos must be great too!

jmbmommy said...

Love you, your kids, and that great mom of yours.

Angie said...

i love love love this.
and i love love love you. :)
and i love that you wrote that about the internet because it is random and true and so fun to speculate about.
and of course it is true about the grandkids and what kate said about the list going on and on (and on and on and on).
i *heart* you

Jeanneoli said...

WOW...I am crying just thinking about your mom and how much you miss her. Thank you for the beautiful reminder to not take a day for granted.

gm glimmerglass said...

I lost my incredibly funny and dazzling mom in 1989, and still miss her everyday. So much of what you've written here, I have thought and felt myself.

One of the best things ever is when my kiddo has a mannerism or a look that brings mom right back into my living room!

It's a great full circle feeling.

Thank you for your beautiful writing.

sukey2studio said...

thanks for sharing your lovely sweet thoughts of your mom. yeap, i have tears streaming down my cheeks as mine is gone also. i really, really love the pix of your mom and love the can of beer set upon the stoop!