30 October 2007

boys don't make passes...

so i know you've been wondering...
just dying
can't wait to find out
what i am going to be for halloween
because in the past
i have really done it up
1990- grumpy old lady

1995-noah's wife

1996-night & day
i was a wild one...

2000-vincent van gogh
(missing ear & everything
& i can't find a picture
makes me want to
go paint a picture of sunflowers or something...)
2004-tired mom

2005-tired pregnant mom

2006-tired mom of two
(the little dino ran away gefore we could get his picture)

& also this
circa 1980 age 6

& i know there is a picture that proves that i was right!
but i can't find it
of course...

well, it seems that this year
the universe has given me a costume
& i didn't even have to ask...
thanks, universe!
on the way to church on sunday
i reached up to adjust my glasses
they broke in half
(actually it was more like
*tink* they broke in half
but as my life flashed before my eyes
the fact that i have no contacts
& that i have been thinking that i need to
make an appointment to get some
& the little fact
without the aid of glass or tiny pieces of plastic
(or whatever contacts are made out of)
the sound might as well have been earth shattering)
change of plans
to safeway we go
i wait in the car
holding both sides of my glasses on
with both hands
so that i can tell the two kids in the backseat apart
(i told brian
'if i didn't have to carry a purse
or hold a child
or open a door
or exist in the outside world
i would be just fine!')
my knight emerges from the store
with his crafty self
& some white athletic tape
& proceeds to fix me up
merging the two sides in a lovely wrap around
& around
& around technique
my hero...
i added my own craftyness
black sharpie
(this resulted in a little example of
the difference between men & women...
i was ever so artfully coloring the white tape with black sharpie
& brian said that it called attention to it
exact words:
'when you have a really big zit
it's better to just leave it
than to put a bunch of cover-up on it.
the cover-up just calls attention to it'
i say bless his heart
with the utmost sincerity
& i know that he believes it is better to not do the cover-up
but ladies?
are you with me?
sharpie it is!)
i need your help...
& i know you are quippy, quirky little lads & lassies
(broken glasses turn me irish...)
so help me out
with a gift like this:

what should i be?
(& no 'revenge of the nerds'.
it is obvious
& i already said it
pretty much the moment i
put on my glasses & looked in the mirror


ps now you can see why i said the universe gave me the gift
& not God
i like God too much to blame this on him...

pps the odd angle is because i was
holding the camera as far up & away as i could...
no need to add double chin to this unfortunateness...
also you may ask yourself
why am i looking off to the side?
the world may never know
but the looking straight on one was a little creepy
it's halloween
shoulda done creepy!
next time!

ppps title of this blog:
not true



emmi said...

IRS auditor. Scary, huh.

The Lydia said...

You could be Harry Potter. He had taped glasses for a while. I like Harry Potter (and I like you).

emmi said...

Ugly Betty? I know you don't watch the show 'cause your busy laughing aloud to My Name is Earl...but it would be a fun, fun costume.

Colleen said...

Oh you are just plain old awesome. Theeee End.